Ten try Gannets get back to winning ways.

Todays match report is presented courtesy of Richard Mayhew as neither myself nor double B,Ben Baker were available due to house moving issues (not together.We're not a gay rugby couple or anything).

So this is how he saw it,typos and spelling errors corrected,of course....

As usual,the housewives favourites turned up at Maidstone in dribs and drabs with the usual Jetski 'i'll be there for kickoff' and Ryan racing the satnav and missing kickoff,leaving a bare 14 to trudge all the the way round Mote Park to the fields behind the sports centre.This gave the gannets a whole 15 minutes to warm up.No change there then.

Thankfully Ralph 'ooh my knee' Walpoles friend had travelled 280 miles to visit family,but as a true rugby player said 'f*ck it I'm playing rugby'.

So up to 15 as Ryan finally made it,the Gees kicked off on a sodden pitch against what looked like a true Maidstone Barbarians team.Yes that truly is their name.

The Gannets were straight off with the BaaBaas prop knocking on and the Gees showing their power in the scrum,marching Maidstone back 10 metres or so.This resulted in a penalty followed by the typically awesome driving maul and try scored by Sam 'chubby Novak' Holden.

With no kicking tee Perri did his best and had an 80% kicking average.Easy math when you score 10 tries.The game went on with the Gannets menacing in the forwards but as per usual going to sleep in defence allowing the Stones 10,wearing 17,captain and generally nice chap,Simon two easy tries as he danced through the gaping hole left by the invisible defence.

Jetski finally turned up for the second half and in typical fashion scored as soon as he had his hands on the ball.

Paddy 'the mad dog' as the Kent official called him,got sent off which only bolstered the Gees more.Toby had a storming game wanting to go faster and faster much to the fat forwards disgust.

The backs had a good day with Jetski,Perri and Stevie 'drop the ball' Wootton scoring two a piece.Paddy can't remember what happened after 5 minutes so we don't need to mention his try.

All that matters was the last play of the game when from out of nowhere Mayhem did a Sargey from a quick tap and go,running along the 5 metre line sideways to score under the sticks as it appeared that no one wanted to tackle a big,fat Jew on the rampage.

Final score 26-66.

Next week it's the arduous drive to Tunbridge Wells (guess there won't be many up for that).

Maybe next week we could get some water bottles and first aid kit as Martin 'I'm on holiday again' Taylor forgot to give them back .

Until next time,when a proper reporter is available...

Final thought from the alleged 'proper match reporter'..

Overall, a good effort from Mayhem getting in plenty of digs at his team mates and recounting the key moments of the game well.
However,i'm afraid I have to mark him down on a couple of things.Firstly,getting wankered on a Saturday night and waiting tll Sunday to do the match report.

Rookie error.

Every social rugby match reporter worth his salt knows that writing it whilst hammered is THE ideal time to do so as the days events are still fresh in your booze addled mind and you really don't care what you write or who you offend.

Secondly and this is criminal,bigging yourself up in your own match report is a cardinal sin however,i'll cut him some slack as I take the piss out of him pretty much every week.

Final mark.B.

Ok...until next time...