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Sat 02
Gillingham II
4th XV
A stitch up in time saves.....80?

A stitch up in time saves.....80?

By Matt Clarke
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The Gannets god awful luck continues as they are dry humped by a suspiciously strong Anchorians team....

For seemingly the umpteenth time this season,the Gannets knew what was coming,braced themselves,battened down the hatches,stood tall and took their medicine like men.

And indeed,it did come in the shape of 80 points across their try line with a commendable 12 in return against a much younger,fitter and tellingly quicker Anchorians team,unrecognisable from the 15 that showed up at Rectory Field back in early Novemember.

The main thorn in the Gees side made his presence felt early on as the Gills 14,his shirt seemingly soaked in baby oil,evaded numerous tackles and a cuddle from Mayhem to put the home side in good position for their opening score.A couple more followed via the same route before the Gannets put together a decent passage of play led of course by the Irish maniac battering his way to the line before a couple of quick (yes the Gannets do quick occasionally) phases saw the ball find its way to Benny the Pimp to touch down in the corner and add to his his two Moles tries last week.

Even more unbelievable was the fact that Dan Grant nailed the conversion despite being unable to hit a Dan Grants arse with a banjo in the ahem,warm ups.

Anyway this misdemeanour only served to spur the home side back into action and back they came with another score or possibly two or three,who knows as I personally had lost count by this point.A rather hungover Ian Shuttlewood was replaced by Ben Baker at 10 and the last action of note in the first period came courtesy of the aforementioned Emerald Isle assassin who was binned for being naughty at a goal line ruck.'But oi came through the gate' protested the bearded beserker who was on the radio once dontchaknow.

Unfortunately for him,it was the side gate.

So onto the second half and the Anchorians got the ball,blah,blah,blah..passed it out to the wing blah,blah,blah...scored a try or three because the Gannets old backs,some of which were giving up 20 years on their opposite number couldn't keep up until a brief period of stability saw the visitors hold onto the ball and score,yes score via a quickly taken Gary Curran ( I can't be arsed with any more adjectives) try.

At least the home side changed the record a little with the introduction of their powerfully thighed magnificently bearded replacement at the half and I would like like to take the opportunity to say that if he's not a regular on the Shoreditch barbershop scene then i'm a Chinaman,Nethertheless,he proceeded to rampage down the right wing and mostly over the top of poor Dave Sargent for a try or three,who knows as interest was well and truly lost by this point.

So that was that and it was onto the main drama of the day which revolved around Mayhems ring.No,he didn't drop his soap in the shower,silly as he doesn't use soap.He did in fact 'lose' his wedding ring and had at least two of his team mates searching frantically for his marital band until it finally transpired that it was in his bag all along.The cock.

Final thoughts...Ash done a 25 hour night shift and still turned up to play today so it's a little hats off to him and of course a standing ovation to a Gannets side that fronted up to a team that fielded 9 players from a first team that is currently in second place in Kent 1.Yes they may have run rings around us but we sure as hell let them know we were there.

It's New Ash Green at home next week so here's to an evenly matched game....what that? Their Ones don't have a game?

Buckle up boys,here we go again.

Until next time.....

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Match details

Match date

Sat 02, Mar 2019




Five Grain Division 4 West

League position

Gillingham II
Gravesend IV