Dartfordians V 10 Moles 26

On another glorious day for rugby, while rugby ‘fans’ were on their way to Twickenham or settling down for a day of back-to-back test matches on the telly, those hard-core rugby enthusiasts, the Moles, set off down the A2 for an early kick off against the Dartfordians’ 5th XV; another late change to the fixture card in the wake of Beccehamians Vets pulling out of the scheduled match midweek.

This was a much more even affair compared to the Moles’ last outing and veritable stitch up at Sittingbourne. The Moles started strongly with most of the rugby being played in the Darts half of the pitch. However, the Moleys struggled to turn their dominance into points and subsequently it was a relief when second-row Oaf, on day release from his Essex exile, went over the line to put the Moles ahead. This was a well-deserved score for the big fella capping a great all-round performance and return to the team. Antwerp tourist, Ben Baker, was unable to add the two extra points with the conversion but that proved to be the only blight on his record with the boot all afternoon.

The sense of relief possibly led to the Moles becoming a wee bit complacent and Dartford were back on terms almost immediately. Two phases after the Moles conceded a sloppy penalty, one of their more influential players on the day (red shorts #8) broke from the back of a ruck, largely unchallenged by statuesque Moles defenders, and was subsequently able to stretch over the line.

However, the Moles refused to let their heads drop and continued to have the better of the exchanges throughout the half; dominating at scrum time and having a ‘better than usual’ day in the line out in part helped by the presence of prop Ralph Walpole on lift duties. Their patience was ultimately rewarded when a ‘pick n’ go’ attempt by hooker Heinz (57) was supported by prop, and match-day skipper, Elvis to drive through two waves of Darts’ defenders for Heinz to touch down between the posts; a try successfully converted by Baker.

However, despite a 5-12 half-time lead, the Moles’ lost two influential players in centre, Tony Garland who had his dodgy knee bent back at a ruck and fly half, Neil ‘Sicknote’ Miller who pulled a hamstring chasing after his own kick. Best wishes to both of these guys for a speedy recovery and being available for selection again soon. Nonetheless, the loss of Sicknote did provide the opportunity for a family half-back pairing to take to the park with Saward major, Nod at 9 and his minor#1, Lewis, at 10.

The second half played out similarly to the first with the Moles enjoying the balance of play but Dartfordians always posing a threat. In fact, despite Elvis’s call for the Moles not to ‘do their usual’ and fall asleep at the beginning of the second half, they did and a rampaging Dart piled through a decent enough Elvis tackle but with enough momentum to be able place ball over the line.

Undeterred, the Moles kept their heads up and shortly afterwards Big Bri clearly scored between the posts only for the referee to call that the ball had been ‘held up’. From the subsequent scrum, the ball found its way out to charging replacement centre Martin ‘Poves’ Povey who knocked it on.

I’m going to pause here as regular readers of Moles match reports may have noticed a lack of wit, abuse and sarcasm. This is because this time every last drop of that has to be reserved for Kent’s Third Strongest Man of 2015. Poves knocked-on so many times today you’d have thought that the front row had employed him as a personal trainer. Where his usual reliable, game-changing ball carrying went today is a Scooby Doo mystery. The fella couldn’t catch a proverbial cold, the bus, light and when he wasn’t dropping the ball it was bouncing off him in all kinds of forward directions and any attempt at picking the ball up in the loose saw it stutter forward off his fingertips. It’s a good job the nicknames ‘Tefal’ and ‘Vecro’ have already gone. What was most funny was when Poves started getting angry with himself and 14 other blokes around him were laughing their heads off. The Moles are generally not fans of ‘Dick of Day’ awards being the politically correct bunch that we are. However, in the week that one Donald Trump became US President, political correctness has pretty much gone out of the window and hence Poves was duly named DotD! Never mind Poves. We all know that it was an out of character performance; at least you how the rest of us crap players feel every week!

Back to the match, at least two knock-ons (but just one from Poves) featured in the build up to Lewis Saward’s try but alas the referee did not see these; just as he hadn’t seen Big Bri’s perfectly good effort earlier. A sense of justice prevailed. With Mr Baker again slotting away the conversion, the Moles gathered for the restart with a collective urgency to make sure of the victory.

And that they did. Another forwards’ foray up the park led saw Lunch make a significant break inside the Dartford twenty-two only to be stopped two metres or so from the line. From the resulting ruck, that man Heinz (57) was there again to score his second try of the game. Baker made another conversion attempt count and the game ended in a 10-26 victory for the Moles!

With his brace of tries, Heinz (57) rightly picked up a typically un-democratic nod for Mole-of-the-Match. However, on a day when every Mole (except Poves, maybe!) put a good shift in, Lloydy again stood out in the back three; this time on the right wing. Lloydy’s handing off of a big Dartfordian lump drew gasps and winces from others on the pitch, his tackle count was through the roof and his on-pitch communication, particularly in organising and calling out the defensive line. So, in an unprecedented move, Heinz and Lloydy were named joint Moles-of-the-Match.

Other special mentions must go out to Posty for transporting players in meat wagon again and leaving in it without Elvis at the end of the game! To Cabin Boy for making it to the game from Bishop’s Stortford for the second half and managing not conspire to help the Moles snatch defeat from the jaws of victory; to Poves, Swanley and Smudge for helping out the oppo who were short in the first half; to Velcro for having at least a mini ‘ding-dong’ with an opponent; to Q, for once again overcoming the obstacles of being over two hundred years old and Scottish, to step out over that white line and be a part of the first win of another seasons and last but not least, Bugs and the Rayner minors for cheering us on from the side-lines.

After a pint and the first half of the England vs South Africa match, the Moleys returned to Rectory Field for post-match ceremonials and drinking. Poves was unable to ‘drop’ by the club afterwards so subbed out his pint to Swanley. Joining Swanley up on the chairs with Heinz (57) and Lloydy were Mick Terry for not wearing his Moles tie on a match day and Moles’ skipper and Director of Rugby, Shotgun for chronic attention seeking with his neck brace.

And so, the Moles won, GRFC 2s won, England won and Scotland lost. The beer flowed and elsewhere over the weekend members of the Moles’ fraternity and sorority helped support the Royal British Legion’s Remembrance Day fundraising at Sainsburys, Pepper Hill. Proof once again, if ever you needed it, that the Moles is something much much more than just a rugby team!

Line Up: Elvis, Heinz (57), Ralph, Velcro, Oaf, Posty, Lunch, Big Bri, Nod, Sicknote, Q, Tony Garland, Gareth Moore, Lloydy, Ben Baker, Cabin Boy, Poves, Lewis Saward, Swanley, Smudge