Beccehamians XV 62 Moles 10

On glorious day for rugby if you’re a penguin or a far-too-enthusiastic rugby nutter, the Moles headed down West Wickham way for their latest ‘stitch-up’ at the hands of a Beccehamians’ XV. Scheduled as a fixture against the Beccs’ Vets, as the Moleys warmed up on at the shady, still frosty end of a rock hard pitch, over yonder in the sunshine was a collection of ‘old boys’ who had clearly benefitted from the odd spa hotel break and daily moisturizing!

Nonetheless, after match skipper Elvis had successfully avoided another warm up discussing the state of the pitch with the ref and his Beccs’ counterpart; it was another team talk of “We play what is in front of us!” and on this occasion, “We play on what’s under our feet!” before the Moles embarked on their twentieth calendar year of rugby.

The Moles were awarded the first scrum of the game within first minute or so. Subsequently, the referee appeared to miss a somewhat vigorous first put-in of the day go straight through the tunnel only for Beccs to quickly find their marauding inside centre who in turn ran through the Moley back line to score. This served to set an early mark for a good chunk of the afternoon’s proceedings.

Nonetheless, as ever the Moles battled hard up front and quickly found things were not looking too good if the home side got the ball out to their young, quick backs. There was more of a match to be had in and around the contact area though. But the hard ground was playing a big part in proceedings with the Moles arguably not getting the ‘bounce of the ball’ as it frequently came loose from the missed passes and handling errors being made by both teams. Furthermore, the pitch conditions claimed Tucker Jenkin after 10 minutes with a recurrence of an ankle injury. However, within the lottery of the bounce, credit must also to given to Beccehamians for deploying a canny kicking game to put the Moles’ back 3 under pressure and forcing errors. Subsequently, as a result of both taking and making their chances, Beccs added a further two tries before the Moley’s really started doing themselves a bit of justice from about midway through the half.

A fine effort from all members of the pack, saw the Moles get their ‘up the jumper’ game well and truly going with Posty, Elvis, Heinz, Predator and Velcro doing their bit with the leech ball and Big Bri, Big Tom and Mayhem picking up the longer ball carrying stints. At scrum time the Moles had it and were wise to the Beccs’ pack’s apparent skullduggery in wheeling the scrum. Many metres’ progress was being made with the maul and honours were largely even at the line out. For a time, is seemed that the team in maroon hoops had no real answer to the Moles’ intensity levels; which severely contradicted Beccs’ dominance of the scoreline. Ultimately the forwards-driven renaissance was rewarded by tight-head prop and wine connoisseur Pierre du Toit, shaking and shimmying through the final two metres of the pitch to touch the ball down on the line and putting the Moles deservedly on the scoreboard.

From the restart, the Moles gathered the ball and started to work it tightly up the field in the forwards before an avoidable turnover of the ball was readily capitalised upon by the Becc’s 12 who once again, despite defensive changes in the Moles’midfield, left the defenders anywhere near him looking like statues as he went on score.

Half-time 24-5 to the hosts.

The view from the sidelines by Moles’ Director of Rugby Shotgun was that this was a game that the Moles could get themselves well and truly back into. This was a view echoed by Elvis and others in the half-time huddle. It was clear what was working and with Connor Martin now on at 10 and adding a bit of youth and pace, and Lunch and Nick Holmes suring up the centres, there were perhaps other angles of attack to be explored. A half-time rendering of ‘Who are we…” was nothing less than committed and confident.

Swanley kicked off the second half towards Beccs’ players blinded by the winter sun and thus conceding a scrum immediately. The Moles began to carry on where they had left off in the contact areas but there was something noticeably different. Beccs were competing for the ball at the breakdown with much more purpose with some seemingly new faces displaying some wonderful technique in grappling for the ball. In response, Moley discipline began to suffer both in not releasing the ball quick enough and losing their shape as they fruitlessly queried the referee’s decisions. Nonetheless, the Moles enjoyed several forays deep into the opposition half during this second period but time and time again were punished when turned over at the breakdown; particularly in the second half by the very impressive 6 who ran in least two tries from significant distance. Not helped by the departure of Connor Martin with a back injury: 29-5, 36-5, 43-5, 48-5; on the scoresheet it was all one-way traffic now.

However, to cap another ‘Mole-of-the-Match’ performance, erstwhile American footballer ‘Lunch’ added a try to the best Moley tackling performance of the day. Lunch’s try was scored wide on the left in the sunshine after the ball had been worked through the Moley backs’ hands. Despite some claims of a forward pass and some dodgy running of the line by Mole Merv’s youngster, RW, the score stood and the scoreline ticked over to 48-10.

Alas, Lunch’s try was the Moles’ final ‘hurrah’ of the afternoon and with Beccahamians adding a further two converted scores, the match ended as a 62-10 victory for the home team.

The old clichés of “well it was better than shopping at Bluewater with the missus” were philosophically bandied about but all, albeit some more than others, vented their frustration at yet another mismatch. With rumours of today’s opponents featuring 1st team players returning from injury, regular 2nd XV players and so on, Shotgun spoke at length with the Beccs’ fixtures secretary ‘Malcolm’ who pleaded with our DoR, “I told them who you were! I told them……..” Digital signage on display in the clubhouse announced ‘Gravesend Moles’ as a fixture for the Beccehamians ‘Eclecticals’ an apt name for wide range of talent on display and an indication that this was never intended as a fixture for the Beccs’ Vets.

Never mind, Beccehamians has the feel of a ‘good club’ and if it’s good enough to be a ‘home from home’ for ‘one game wonder’ Mole prop Rob ‘Bobjit’ Bardell then there’s perhaps mileage in Shotgun continuing to liaise with Malcolm for a fixture against a more suitable XV next season Maybe back at Rectory Field on rest day for our 3s and we can pull in a few Moley ‘Eclecticals’ if needs be?

Before we forget about the rugby, a few more detailed mentions:

Mayhem – Ticks all traditional Moles’ boxes but surprisingly this was his debut in the black shirt. Great to have his experience and on-pitch leadership qualities at hand. Hopefully this is the first of many appearances. Mayhem had a great game today. Looking forward to him becoming the Moles’ match day scapegoat that he has all the potential be!
‘Big Tom’ Patching – Already the best ginger in the Swans, is now the best ginger to have played Moles’ rugby (Sorry Q!). Learning and loving his rugby at the social end of the club. Some great carries and tackles again today and improving every game despite being coached in the second row by the likes Mayhem and Velcro. However, if Dan Buckland is reading this: Tom’s crap mate; you don’t want to touch him, he’s better off in the Swans….honest!!!

Predator – Mustang driving, 70s style ‘tache growing serial Moles’ tourist who is always welcome at Moley regular season jaunts. Always commenting on how young he is compared to most Moles while reveling in his smug lack of need for Deep Heat products. We all can’t wait to see how he ages following his forthcoming nuptial-related ‘adventure’

Peter ‘Rollin’’ Stone – Always good to have paramedic Pete in a Moles’ squad as it saves Big Bri the need to pretend he knows what he’s doing…….yeah, we know Bri, “take a couple of paracetamol and if you’re really worried, get yourself down to A&E”……….seriously, Pete had a good game today despite it being a tough day in the back 3. Great to have you playing with us mate.

Carl ‘Cutie Pie’ Sells – was pretty useless today but good to see this man back after a year out with a knee injury; one no less picked up at Beccehamians with the Swans last season. Seriously, a great effort from Carl who understandably was only looking to ease himself back in with a ‘cameo’ 20 minutes or so but ended up covering multiple positions for nigh on the full 80.

Shotgun – remembered the balls, bottles, port, to collect the subs. Definitely not easy for him watching; his efforts are appreciated by all. Who said ‘Shitgun’?

Back at the club, joining Lunch up on a chair were semi-retired Moles; ‘Big Bob’ and Mick Terry for ‘lack of neck ware on a match day’ related offences and Velcro for something Tucker did but has got away again because much more fun to pick on Velcro. Predator would have been up there too for not wearing a tie but had the car. Predator’s pathetic mitigating plea of not wanting to wear a tie of a lower status than a Moles’ tie denied him the opportunity to nominate someone to take the pint on his behalf, put this fine in the wood and place his award of a Moles’ tie even further into the future for trying to be clever!

So, it hadn’t been the best of days until one of GRFC’s ‘great and good’ returned from the 1st XV’s late-postponed match at Tunbridge Wells and handed a copy of the programme to Mick Terry which was not the best of moves because Mick only looks at the pictures. Nonetheless, the odd Mole has progressed to ‘Janet and John Book Five’ and thus a paragraph from the TWRFC’s chairman’s matchday notes is featured at the head of this report. This brought many a smile to glum faces on Saturday night and hopefully to a few more now. It's a challenge to find the right fixtures but against well-matched opposition, the Moles will give anyone a good game.

Proof once again that if you know your history, the Moles is something much, much more than just a rugby team.

Line Up: Elvis, Heinz, Pierre, Velcro, Mayhem, Big Tom, Predator, Posty , Lunch, Big Bri, Lloydy, Connor Martin, Swanley, Cutie Pie, Rollin’, Tucker, Nick Ormes, Gerry Keenan

Director of rugby: Shotgun