Moles vs Eclectics

On a glorious day for rugby the Moles assembled for their first away game since ruggers was restarted, still enjoying the afterglow of winning their first match the week before at HQ. As they gathered there was the usual warm welcome to each other of hugging and kissing and bum squeezing.

Many Moles had an extra spring in their step as not only did a return to rugby mean a return to rolling around in the mud and having a beer with your chums…it also meant a long-awaited return of the reason why all men (especially over 35 years) continue to play…the ‘Warrior’s Reward’.

Back in the day tribes/clans went out to battle each other to demonstrate their manliness and courage. Rugby teams are today’s tribes. Rugby matches are today’s tribal battles. Rugby players are today’s warriors and none more so than the men in the black shirts. The ‘Warrior’s Reward’ lives on but now it’s earned by rugby players. ?

Motivated by the twin thoughts of the imminent battle ahead against an old foe and then being enveloped in the ample bosoms of the other half later on, the Moles excitedly got ready in the changing rooms. Ibuprofen, tape, knee braces, hip flasks, deep heat and some impressive bushes combined to create a manly and confident pre match atmosphere…

Velcro was wearing a pair of sports gloves which, given the temperate conditions, could not have been to keep his aging fingers warm, they could only have been a desperate attempt to help him catch the ball (very important for a line out jumper) …spoiler alert, sadly they made no difference whatsoever…

What a start! It might even be a Moles record to score so quickly with Dan (the 3rd Welshy) surging to a swift try. He is very quick and despite weighing only 55 lbs he is a fierce tackler. Where does he get this from? Not from his father who, despite being a flank, has not actually tackled anyone since 2018!

It was early in the game so Moley lungs were still fall of air and there was much shouting of encouragement, which seem to spur on ‘The Sexy Yul Brynner’ of the team (his words), Garrick, to gallop through the opposition and score under the posts. Wow! Fourteen nil after a few minutes play. The Moley tactics of ‘pod then pod then wide’ were working beautifully.

Well, Beccs were not going to be steamrollered and the fightback commenced. For large chunks of the rest of the first half Beccs battered the Moleys but our ‘Gandalf Defence’ (YOU SHALL NOT PASS!) held firm against wave after wave of meaty Beccs players…. but they finally broke through just before half time for a well-deserved try -14 to 7.

The second half started promisingly when The Saffer Tank ran over a few Beccs players and popped the ball to Garrick to score in the corner. Three tries to one!

The Ginger Panzer who came on at half time (for some reason wearing a pair of white, low cut ankle socks like a ballerina would wear to warm up) made some very strong route one runs that rattled the teeth of those who tried to tackle him. Great to watch!

A tap and go penalty on the 22 resulted in Marco getting very close before popping the ball to Connor playing 2nd half hooker to score…four tries to one!

But all credit to Beccs’ team spirit as there then followed a period of sustained pressure from them as they marched the Moles backwards, slowly and ominously up the field to what looked like a sure fire try…to then have the wind taken out of their sails. Benny the Pimp (aka Benny the Show Off) got hold of the ball and scythed through a startled Beccs defence to run the length of the pitch HOLDING THE BALL IN ONE HAND! It’s all very well for Fijians with hands the size of plates to do this but if you have petite and dainty (almost feminine) hands like Benny the Pimp this is reckless? Five tries to one!

Now the last try of the game is a bit contentious as there are two versions…according to Velcro he broke through, skilfully drew in two Beccs defenders and then deftly and unselfishly passed the ball to BtP to score under the post…according to onlookers Velcro accidentally found himself with the ball in his hands, spotted two beefy Beccs players bearing down on him, panicked and flung the ball away, which amazingly was caught by BtP. Six tries to one!

Sicknote’s experience and calmness showed through in this game when, on numerous occasions, composure and defensive organisation was the reason Beccs did not score more tries. It was also great to see Speedy Dan has not lost his curious but deceptively quick ‘smooth gliding’ style of running (as though he was skating on ice?)

The victory margin does not do justice to how physical Beccs were and was it not for the Moleys very strong Gandalf defence Beccs could easily have scored another couple of tries.

There is no question when the ‘pod then pod then wide’ strategy is followed it works very well but it needs to be maintained for the whole game.

The scrumming was AWESOME with Riley and ‘Carl the Strongman’ shunting their opposite numbers all over the park. What Carl has lost in speed from his strongman training he has more than made up for with his scrumming and carrying power. Come back and play some more! In contrast the lineout needs some work as Beccs were very slick in this department.

A high penalty count is still a Moles’ achilles heel and moaning at the ref’s decisions is creeping back in again. Never since the invention of rugby has moaning at the referee ever changed a decision…

Not falling on the ball is another quick fix area. There were sooooooo many instances of the ball bobbling about on the floor with people either staring at it or unleashing massive cart horse kicks. Except for Posty who dives on the ball and clamps on it like a limpet, being the seasoned veteran, he is. He had to come off with a knock to the head and characteristically he kept insisting he was fine…but as he kept calling fellow team mates on the side lines names like Celine and Denice etc…. it’s probably a good thing he stayed off….

Yet these are all fixable areas of improvement to be added to the core of the Moley playing style of playing like Warriors i.e., being indefatigable, not letting your head drop when the going gets tough, defending with white knuckle intensity, leeching until your lungs burst and playing in the right spirit with a smile on your face.

As Miami gathered the boys into a post-match huddle, his eyes were brimming with tears (again) as he spoke with pride about how post pandemic the Moles was pushing forward and how much manly enjoyment lay ahead.

This was a game with an inordinate amount of non-playing time for a wide variety of reasons - injuries, scrum resetting, walking very slowly to the next line out, ‘discussing’ the ref’s decisions with him, having a breather, standing around and chatting chatting to each other, banter with the opposition, swigging water and more… in fact, according to the ref in terms of game time there was only 18 minutes of playing time but it was very a very enjoyable 18 minutes to watch.

There were too many fines handed out in the changing room after to list them all but surely top of the list was Painter who sent out a message on WhatsApp asking where one can buy a Mole tie… (he insists he was just joking around…)

Followed by BtP for showing off…scoring two tries, kicking a conversion from the touchline, running with the ball in one hand, drop kicking the conversion for the last try and for that very un mole-like of rugby plays, tactical kicking….

Followed by Welshy the 3rd for numerous sartorial offences. Sadly, these could not be expunged by his tremendous game - an opening try and some fierce tackling of players whose right leg weighed as much as he does!

Garrick (who insists he be called ‘The Sexy Yul Brynner’) scored two tries and plus his general all round work rate this earned him the coveted Mole of the Match award and one can only wonder, with considerable jealously, what his TWO TRY ‘Warrior’s Reward’ is going to consist of when he claims it. It’s going to be epic!

Looking back on a great battle between two old foes, one could not help but reflect on the words of the much loved and much missed Bob Marley who sang in one of his many thought-provoking songs …” The hotter the battle, the sweeter the victory”. He was so right. This was a hot battle, a very physical game, and so it was a sweet victory.

Those who choose on Saturdays to go shopping at Bluewater or prefer to watch rugby from their sofa or a warm clubhouse, will never know what it’s like to experience victory (or defeat). They will not experience glorious days like this or experience the character forming/team bonding defeats which sometimes happen along the path to the next victory.

We feel sorry for them, for we, the family that is the Moles, the comrades in arms that are the Moles, the considerate and thorough lovers that are the Moles, will always remember our games together and this lovely way of life long after we hang upon our boots. For rugby is more than a sport and the Moles is more than a rugby team…

This was a strong win against a decent side who played with great physicality and soon this band of black shirted brothers will assemble again and win, draw or lose it will be yet another glorious day for rugby!