Moles vs Maidstone Vets

On a glorious day for rugby the Gravesend Moles gathered under a leaden sky at Maidstone to do battle with the old enemy. The Moles were once again invited to play in the Maidstone Memorial game, which has been held by Stones every Christmas for 23 years, to remember those Stones club men who have gone to the great clubhouse in the sky…

The Moleys greeted each other warmly with the usual hugging, kissing and bum squeezing. A new batch of blazers had arrived so the team drew many admiring glances and the vertical striped blazers made us all look a lot trimmer than we actually were!

The grim news swirling around on TV was not going to diminish the appetite the Moleys had for this game, especially having lost last time round by 4 tries to 1 against a gnarly Stones squad peppered with ex first team players.

Quite a few Moleys had been on Christmas events of one kind or another the Friday before and so were looking slightly queasy and tired…most notably Miami who after one Babycham too many had posted a selfie in the disco in the early hours of the morning, despite the usual encouragement that we should all… “get a good night rest and abstain from any over athletic amorous Friday evening activities” …

Elvis was having his first run out with young Elvis, a Moley tradition.

The Moleys trundled out into the Dickensian foggy afternoon, mercifully not playing on the lower field, ‘The Somme’ that had turned us all pitch black in the past. The pitch Saturday can only be described as “claggy” and had the effect of sucking onto your boots, meaning it was going to be a day for the tight forwards…ooh yes please!

Miami’s Babycham fuelled late night disco tactical error was very much affecting him as he forgot to bring any balls and forgot he was Captain, walking off when the referee asked to speak to the front row, half backs and the Captain. It’s rare that Captains fine themselves but this was most definitely a finable offence!

Having won the last outing and given this was their memorial match Stones were VERY determined to retain the cup and managed to assemble what might genuinely be the biggest pack the Moles had ever faced. The props, second rows and no 8 were all absolute units with their loose head achieving what one might have thought was anatomically impossible, being perfectly spherical. Stand by for our lungs exploding in the scrums and brace for the juggernaut mauls that would surely be coming …

What followed was a classic hard fought Moley vs Stones slugfest in the mud and fog. If we are honest in our self-analysis this was not our finest Moley rugby performance and there might have been a few reasons for this …. the news being spread on TV at the moment makes for general gloominess…. many Moleys dropped out at the 11th hour for different reasons…quite a few Moleys were a bit worse for wear having over celebrated a tad the day before at various Xmas events…our warm up was a bit half hearted…it was cold and wet and foggy….2022 is looking uncertain in terms of returning to ‘normal’…etc

Come the game, the line out struggled, some passes went adrift, some balls were dropped, some high balls were knocked on, some tackles were missed. Stones were very physical as always, fierce tackling, violent counter rucking, aggressive jackaling after the tackle, effective ripping of the ball in the tackle, etc.

Given most on the pitch were slightly podgy veterans and given the muddy conditions, one can understand why a passing dog walker who stopped to watch enquired whether this was a game of ‘walking rugby’…

We were not as cohesive as we had been in the previous Moles matches this year and at times forgot our core strategy, pod, pod, wide. So, one might think this was not one of our finest rugby performances…or was it perhaps, in many ways, ONE OF OUR FINEST MOLEY PERFORMANCES ?

Despite the less-than-ideal run up to, and preparation for, this game, those in the black shirt REALLY dug deep for their club, for their team and for each other. Too many manly feats of sheer grit and determination too cover in this short report but some to note:

Posty ran and ran and ran until he had to come off with crushed testicles and was walking like John Wayne for the rest of the day.

Mick, full of pent-up energy after his unplanned time away from playing, carried and carried and carried all afternoon long making considerable yards evert time.

Connor, probably the smallest on the field tackled relentlessly, felling many Stones players twice his size.

Benny kicked and chased so many balls he almost made himself sick with all the running he was doing.

Dan had another fine game and came off with a damaged arm, fortunately not his drinking or ……. arm.

Velcro asked for 5 minutes given his previous injury but then stayed on for 55 minutes including some carries. He is back but we hope he shaves off his sinister beard and goes back to being kissable, Mediterranean Velcro.

And so on…the whole team really fronted up. The pack scrummaged magnificent doing more than holding the massive Stones pack. Getting a few against the head was very satisfying and in the final few minutes the Moleys ruined the Stones scrum, which collapsed and got trampled on, when they were pressing hard 5 yards out. The backs tackled their hearts out and were solid in defence and some of them even got a bit of mud on their kit!

ALL the Moleys should have been proud that team spirit and courage carried them through in difficult conditions against a determined opposition.

Moles won by 4 tries to 2 but there was an uncomfortable 20 plus minutes in the second half when Stones, literally, camped in our 22 and we just could not exit. Yet again the Moley ‘Gandalf’ defence stood firm, no easy task given the size of some of their forwards crashing into us and with their tails up they genuinely saw a victory as being achievable in the 2nd half.

Two tries from Benny the Pimp, whose work rate was phenomenal. One try from ‘Trim Nick’, looking these days like he might be entering a ‘Beach Body’ competition soon. One try from Rollerball, the Saffer Panzer, who bounced his opposite number 10 foot, to score the try that sealed the game.

This was a tough game physically and emotionally. The half time toast to absent finds reminded all that we should appreciate every day as we never know what tomorrow may bring. Stones mischievously asked Elvis to sing something which was an immediate trigger for the Moleys to return to the field to get going with the second half, leaving Elvis singing to a bemused group of Stones players and supporters.

After the game Miami accepted the memorial trophy and thanked Stones for a great encounter played in a good spirit. In the post-match huddle, we were mindful that the black shirt is not worn when Miami puts out his calls to arms without us all appreciating what it stands for. Those who front up, whether tie wearers or not, do grasp that when Mole No 1 started this idea 23 years ago he had in mind that it would be more than just a rugby team and that the players would contribute more to the club than just turning up for 80 minutes of rugby now and again.

Who knows what 2022 might bring in terms of fixtures so it’s worth reflecting at year end how we are doing half way through the season:

Played 4 won 4, 152 points for and 47 points against, 25 tries scored.

Top try scorers are Benny the Pimp (5), Rollerball (4), Connor (3), whose father taught him everything he knows as he frequently reminds us!
In the changing room after, beers were slurped to rehydrate and some of Big Jon’s manly navy rum was swigged to ease the pain.

When it came to the usual awards in the clubhouse afterwards…. surprise, surprise… three extra chairs were put out!

Some new Moles at last so Mayhem is no longer the new boy! Mick, whose eyes filled up with tears as he put on his tie. Connor, who impressed with his Guinness drinking speed. Garrick, whose eyes were twinkling at the thought of the ‘congratulations’ ahead from Mrs Garrick.

The variety in the new intake bears testimony to the rainbow nature of the Moles. Three new tie wearers from early 20s to mid 50s - fine chaps, good rugby players, handsome men, fabulous kissers, great additions to the Mole family. More to come?

In that moment we strongly felt why it is we play this lovely game when many sit on their sofas on a Saturday afternoon. Many playing Moles are in their 40s to 60s and at that age it can ache after a tough match. So why do we keep going? Well, it may be that it is because you don't stop playing rugby when you grow old, you grow old when you stop playing rugby?

And you are a long time retired…

As we went home that night to the warm bosoms of our other halves, and the port, toffee vodka, rum, Guinness and red wine were working their magic on our aching muscles, we were thankful that in this swirling mess that the world is in we had our beloved game to keep us centred and to remind us that it is the little things in life we should be grateful for, family, beef, red wine, dark chocolate and rugby.

Bring on the next game in the new year vs Chiddingstone Badgers (5th February), when this rainbow Band of Brothers will assemble again and win, lose or draw it will be yet another glorious day for rugby!

And a Merry Xmas to all you lovely Moleys, future Moleys, partners and families of Moleys XXX